Complicated Feelings at Work
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in the March 2024 Newsletter.
I'm finalizing this newsletter on Good Friday. For me, this is always a Complicated Feelings Day.
As a Catholic in the Ignatian tradition, Good Friday is a highly significant day in the liturgical calendar and my faith life. Whatever our traditions and faiths, we all have Complicated Feelings Days in our calendar - anniversaries, beginnings and endings, traumatic events and poignant celebrations. Today, I offer you some tips on how to manage these within your work life.
If you know it's coming: align your schedule. I know I will be depleted after Stations of the Cross this afternoon. I blocked my schedule months ago so that clients cannot book that time using their on-call links. It also reminded me - in advance - that this is not an "ordinary Friday" for me.
If it takes you by surprise: lean in to grace. Humans are storytellers, and we fill in confusing communication gaps with stories about what's going on. Those stories are usually negative! Simply telling your colleagues, "I'm having a hard day. I appreciate your understanding." lets them know it's you, not them. In turn, that lowers the emotional temperature and gives you room to function.
Upskill. There's a lot we can do to help ourselves and our colleagues in times of emotional complexity. Building our emotional intelligence and communication skills is not only possible, it's often fun and interesting. And it can have very rapid rewards. We share some quick ideas below.
And, if you vaguely remember we've talked about feelings before, you're right! Last June we shared a lot of resources. It was one of our most-read newsletters! You can revisit it here.
Fast Fixes - Do this NOW!
When we're thrown off our emotional balance, we often don't have the energy to go into deep learning mode. These three techniques are fast, easy, and effective. You don't need complex strategies or props, and the people around you don't need to know you're "doing a thing".
Got 30 seconds? Say it out loud. "I'm thrown off today. Good Friday always rattles me a bit." You don't need to share details, and you can easily respect boundaries. People may ask for more detail, and you can choose how much you share, but most people just want to know it's not themcausing your "off"! In 30 seconds (or less) you can lower the walking-on-eggshells effect that occurs when people know someone is upset and it's the elephant in the room.
Got 4 minutes? STOP. The STOP practice is fast and effective. Stop, Take (a breath), Observe, Proceed is simply unpacked here, and I love that there's an audio as well as a written article.
Got 20 minutes? Get outside. Walk if you can, sit if you can't. Stare into space. Breathe. Look at a tree. Experience the wonder of soft fascination. Come back to yourself.
"Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior"
— Brene Brown, Dare to Lead
