Gratitude or appreciation? Bringing both to work
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in the April 2025 Newsletter.
I've had some interesting conversations about gratitude recently, and they've got me thinking... what's the difference and the link between gratitude and appreciation?
Full disclosure: many of those "interesting conversations" came from a place of hurt feelings - mine and others. I know myself well enough to see that leading with curiosity keeps me out of judgement, so I decided to put some research around my hurt feelings instead of just getting mad!
As I unpacked those conversations, I found it helpful to clarify the language - what exactly are we talking about when we say we feel grateful or appreciated? Gratitude is an internal emotional state. It's often retrospective and focused on the receiver’s experience. It’s the felt sense of thankfulness for benefits received, experiences, or people encountered. Appreciation, by contrast, is an outward expression. It's proactive or ongoing, centered on the giver’s recognition or affirmation. They’re two sides of the same experience.
In business, these two sides could show up as a manager feeling gratitude for how the team stayed late to meet a client deadline - an internal acknowledgment of others’ efforts or support. That's only translated to appreciation when it's expressed to the team, perhaps verbally or in writing: "Your commitment this week made a real difference for our client. Thank you."
At home, a partner may be sincerely grateful for a meal cooked or a household task handled. However, without the expression of appreciation (often as simple as "thank you"), that gratitude never makes the alchemic transition to appreciation. When we experience that lack of alchemy, we're often clumsy in how we express it. We blame the person who didn’t express appreciation, instead of recognizing and naming our own unmet need to feel seen and appreciated. This shows up as "My boss/partner is ungrateful" rather than "I don't feel appreciated". These conversations then become about the feelings not the (in)actions, and spiral fast!
As individuals, we know that gratitude is good for us. As leaders, we must recognize that appreciation is vital for culture. Gratitude builds personal perspective; appreciation builds organizational trust.
Here in the US, we're a few weeks away from Thanksgiving. Many families have shared rituals of thanks when they gather for the holiday. We're also coming to that time of year where there are holiday parties, annual retrospectives, and rituals of thanks at work. Whether at work or at home, I invite you to ask yourself: does your gratitude make it all the way to appreciation? Not ‘Am I grateful?’, but rather ‘Do the people I’m grateful for feel appreciated?’
If you’re unsure, the tools below offer a few ways to turn reflection into practice.
Understanding Appreciation at Work
Appreciation at work, often referred to as recognition, supports culture, drives retention, and doesn't have to be expensive. It should, however, be intentional and individualized. This article, from the Center for Creative Leadership, gives dozens of practical tips on how to use gratitude to fuel up and increase your own resilience. It then explains how to make the transition from internally experienced gratitude to externally enacted appreciation.
The Languages of Appreciation (AKA Love Languages at Work) are a key tool for understanding how to make sure your team knows how much they are valued. It recognizes that not everyone feels appreciation in the same way - or even in words! Our preferences and responses to appreciation are shaped from earliest childhood. As you consider your defaults and natural style, download our Origins of Appreciation reflection worksheet with a guided exercise to explore how early experiences shape how you give and receive appreciation at work.
